Patience. A virtue, not a talent.

Thirty seconds after the diagnosis, I was already planning my approach on getting better. Live, in the doctor’s office.

“Okay, I got this. I’ll start with nutrition, maybe combined with some physical training too.”

Apparently, I forgot how to use my inside voice — he immediately replied: “yes, food patterns substantially help the recovery of your exhausted organs. But it’s not a good idea to change a lot right now. Not even food habits. You’ll only create more stress for yourself.”

He totally made sense.

I feel pressure with every idea that pops up in my sassy brain. He also must have noticed I wasn’t really considering being passive. So, he gave me some quotes to chew on and launched a small suggestion, knowing I’d pick it up…a scientific book on food and the effects on health: The Food Hourglass. He also added something about “not following this like a mantra”.

Tough challenge when you’re a black & white gal.

And so, it was purchased on Kindle. That same day. Getting some serious tan the following days, while discovering this amazing book — I felt like I was winning in life. But wait.

Shouldn’t I be TKO in bed, not being able to work and feeling sad? Am I really that sick?

And every time I get that invincible feeling again for about ten minutes, the energy drops. Hard. I’m writing this post while thinking how awfully tired I am. A tiredness that feels like I’ve been awake for 24 hours, when it’s only 8pm. I dragged myself upstairs, put music on and started writing.

You know why?

  • Because writing gives me mental energy.
  • Because my highest goal in life is having a positive impact on as many people as possible.
  • Because I have so many thoughts, I need to write them out of my system. In my Day One or in a blog post.
  • Because I love love LOVE to write, since I was a child.
  • Because I think there is a huge need for vulnerability on social media.

You see, I didn’t even try to avoid consecutive use of “because”. Because sometimes, perfection is out of place.

Feeling energized but being overruled by an elevated heart rate, tense jaws and a continuously sour throat, I’m going XOXO on you.