Woman down.

I’ve been in pain for months. Daily stomach and back ache, with a increasing energy deficiency. Two weeks ago, when I couldn’t get out of bed on a Saturday until 2 pm, I realized between some proper cry sessions: it feels like my body is exhausted and sick. Worn out. Kaputt.

I believe energy consists of mental, emotional and physical energy.

I feel like I’m now recovering from some heavy years, emotionally and mentally. Which gives me new energy in a way I haven’t felt since 2010. Yes, that long. But it feels like my body can’t follow my mental pace. I went to doctors, I took meds, I got treated for my back, I took supplements. And it felt like nothing actually worked on a long term. Some meds actually made me sicker. Apparently, this has to do with me being Yin deficient. First time I ever heard of this term, knowing me I’ll be plunging into Oriental medicine soon.

My BFF referred a doctor. Maybe he could help me out with this strange combo of energy loss and digestive problems. Well, he did.

Adrenal fatigue. And a serious case of sick guts. Caused by chronic level of stress. My adrenal glands gave up on me. And my intestines are following the equal path. FML.

I’m still trying to accept what happened and what is still happening. I am relieved. But even more, I feel sad. Really sad. And tired. And vulnerable. And confused. I feel like I tripped and fell, looking around for someone to tell me what to do now. What’s the planning? What should I do first? How should I do things now? Taking care of myself is the advice I’m preparing to receive from 95% of the caring people I have in my life. But how do you do that? How do I know what my body needs in order to get better? And why is it, that even this thought is creating pressure?

I still have real positive energy running through my mental and emotional veins.

I’m not feeling sad for myself. I’m still working, enjoying the sun and functioning at this time. But I have to admit, I received a serious bitch slap from my own body.

In two weeks, I’ll get more result on the intestine issues. Leaky gut or chronic infections, the level of sickness will hopefully be determined by then. Fingers crossed. In the mean time, I’m taking an interesting combo of biological supplements.

I believe in a holistic approach in everything I take on in life.

I believe my cure lies in:

  • creating mental resilience
  • getting physically stronger
  • setting up an adapted nutrition plan

I also believe I will succeed. I will learn. I will get healthy. And wiser :)

But just not yet. Just for now, I’d like to wave my white sassy flag. Is that okay?